Popular notion and idea of karma is similar to the age old adage of 'you sow what you reap.' Your deeds in this life dictate your future lives. But my latest introspection leads me to believe that karma is about the present. It is about the now -- this life. Not a past life, not a future life either.
Growing up, the questions of life and death often plagued me. If I had been the kind of person who believed in the concepts of heaven and hell, the afterlife, or the next life, my life would have been a breeze. But I believed that there could be a possibility of nothing. Our life, this life, is the one that we have. And it is the only one that we have. Once we die, we are nothing. There is no more mind, no more heart, and no more soul. Or there might be a soul that gets merged with the one big soul (or universal energy, if you shall).
The belief of heaven and hell and the next life was a method to force righteous behaviour in people. Kill another human being, go to hell. Save a life, go to heaven. Speak the truth, +1 points on your karma board. But really, is life that simple?
I look back on my life and see so many phases. Each new phase marks the rebirth of my soul. It is transient... always changing, evolving. My karma dictates what my tomorrow will be in my current life. I have been reaping what I have sowed.
As a child, I would look to fulfill the dark abyss chasing me like a nagging shadow. I would search for love in unwanted and scary places. I would ache and hurt, but bounce back with the faith that I would find this love I was searching for. To be honest here, I broke many a heart while I was on this quest. I even broke my husband's heart in the bargain. Fortunately for me, I had sense enough to bounce back and unbreak his heart too!
So can you imagine what kind of karma I was accumulating breaking all these hearts? It was pretty damn bad! Talk about bitter pay backs! I had my toughest relationship in college, my worst heart break in the years following college, and an uneven and uneasy ride with my now husband. What karma! All different phases of life, all teaching me new things, all of them making me understand that you can't fuck with life!
To my advantage, I tend to be a black and white sort of person. I can count the number of times I've lied on my two hands (the lies that count!) Not to say that I am proud of these lies by any means... but the number of times I've told the truth, or lent a helping hand, or even been a pillar of strength have worked in my favour. I have a great husband, a family that cares very much for me, and a dog that I couldn't imagine life without. (I'll have to go remove nazar now by burning some dried red chillies! Nazar: evil eye). Good karma!
In the circle of life, you do reap what you sow. But in THIS life. Introspect on your life, and you'll see what I mean.
2.4.10
9.1.10
Rewind, Rewind!
Taking a trip down memory lane can evoke so many emotions. Passion, fear, sadness, disappointment, joy, confidence... the nostalgia reminiscent of moments past.
What makes fleeting seconds stick in our minds long after they pass? The scent that is so distinctly clear, the music playing in the background, the cold against your skin... you remember it all. But why? What makes this memory special?
I could write anthologies on all the memories that never fail to cross my mind, every single day. The memories of my husband before we were nothing more than friends. I would say those are the sweetest memories I have of us. Sweeter than our wedding or even our life after.
Many years ago, when I was around 16 years old, I was visiting my cousin over summer break. I woke up one night to find her holding her knees to her chest and crying... She said to me, "Never fall in love with your best friend." I did not understand the magnitude of what she was saying then. Why would I NOT want to fall in love with my best friend? It was the most logical thing to do... And that is exactly what I did. I fell in love with my best friend. But with that love and the expectations that follow in any relationship, our relationship changed. It stopped being simple. Expectations complicate things. Expectations every one around you has for you; leave alone the expectations you have of each other. And the disappointment (fear?) of those expectations not being fulfilled. When we were getting married, a friend told us that the first thing to remember in marriage is to have no expectations. The more expectations you have, the more likely it is that you feel let down. So true! But is this what complicates relationships? When we were just friends, we had fights, but they were so simple. Easy to resolve, easy to let go of. Why does this change after marriage? I'd like to understand.
For this precise reason, it is important that the relationship evolving into marriage is strong to withstand all the nonsense that societal and individual guidelines constrain us to. 'Coz with marriage come familiarity, comfort, support. And also come expectations, rules, regulations, nuances of daily life... The magic and sparks seldom coexist with marriage. A reality that is hard to escape and harder to accept.
An alternative thought would be that THIS comfort is what is most sought after... ask those in unreliable, noncommittal relationships. Who knows if you will be together tomorrow? Who knows if you will have someone to go home to after a long day? Those are the small yet pleasurable things about marriage. It is sort of like a trade off really... You trade the magic and curiosity for the comfort and familiarity. The X factor disappears. I don't think they can coexist.
Would you disagree? Do tell me...
What makes fleeting seconds stick in our minds long after they pass? The scent that is so distinctly clear, the music playing in the background, the cold against your skin... you remember it all. But why? What makes this memory special?
I could write anthologies on all the memories that never fail to cross my mind, every single day. The memories of my husband before we were nothing more than friends. I would say those are the sweetest memories I have of us. Sweeter than our wedding or even our life after.
Many years ago, when I was around 16 years old, I was visiting my cousin over summer break. I woke up one night to find her holding her knees to her chest and crying... She said to me, "Never fall in love with your best friend." I did not understand the magnitude of what she was saying then. Why would I NOT want to fall in love with my best friend? It was the most logical thing to do... And that is exactly what I did. I fell in love with my best friend. But with that love and the expectations that follow in any relationship, our relationship changed. It stopped being simple. Expectations complicate things. Expectations every one around you has for you; leave alone the expectations you have of each other. And the disappointment (fear?) of those expectations not being fulfilled. When we were getting married, a friend told us that the first thing to remember in marriage is to have no expectations. The more expectations you have, the more likely it is that you feel let down. So true! But is this what complicates relationships? When we were just friends, we had fights, but they were so simple. Easy to resolve, easy to let go of. Why does this change after marriage? I'd like to understand.
For this precise reason, it is important that the relationship evolving into marriage is strong to withstand all the nonsense that societal and individual guidelines constrain us to. 'Coz with marriage come familiarity, comfort, support. And also come expectations, rules, regulations, nuances of daily life... The magic and sparks seldom coexist with marriage. A reality that is hard to escape and harder to accept.
An alternative thought would be that THIS comfort is what is most sought after... ask those in unreliable, noncommittal relationships. Who knows if you will be together tomorrow? Who knows if you will have someone to go home to after a long day? Those are the small yet pleasurable things about marriage. It is sort of like a trade off really... You trade the magic and curiosity for the comfort and familiarity. The X factor disappears. I don't think they can coexist.
Would you disagree? Do tell me...
21.12.09
Oh, Hell No!
How many times have you wanted to say this?
You are newly married... you have some unnecessary words thrown at you and all you want to do is yell, "oh, hell no!" but you don't! Forcefully shutting it in as a means to subside tempers and create harmony.
- Wedding day frenzy. You: "It is my wedding too! And I do not want to dress in that." Mom: "It is the tradition. You HAVE to. Make your in-laws happy." You: "Oh, hell no!"
- M-i-l: "I could have found someone better for my son." You: "Oh, hell no!"
- Aunt (of yours): "You should do everything because you are the girl." You: "Oh, hell no!"
- Uncle (of your spouse, 4 days after your wedding): "The next time you visit, it must be with a baby BOY. That is my blessing." You: "Oh, HELL NO!"
- Society talks. Relative: "You shouldn't let your husband help with the laundry. People talk." You: "Oh, HELL NO!"
Hell no... Does staying quiet show signs of being a push over? Or in marriage, does that make you smart? I have been told there are better ways to handle these things. Not by creating a ruckus, nor by pretending it never happened. Instead, by using diplomacy for the common good.
For example... Aunt: "You should do everything because you are the girl." You: "I know I will have to put in a lot of effort. But I definitely cannot succeed without my husband's help."
Wow! The diplomacy of the entire statement. Not only are you AGREEING with your aunt, you make it seem like your husband's help is pivotal in marriage (which it is). Marriage is, unfortunately, a game. A game where survival is of the fittest. You have to be strong mentally and emotionally. To be worn down can be a task so easy and achievable that you will not see it hit you. But to walk the path of marriage, no matter how arduous, and to make it work, requires the ability to be tolerant and treasure words like they are your best friend.
"Words are like a dagger. Use them well." Master the game, and you are sure to find marital gratification.
You are newly married... you have some unnecessary words thrown at you and all you want to do is yell, "oh, hell no!" but you don't! Forcefully shutting it in as a means to subside tempers and create harmony.
- Wedding day frenzy. You: "It is my wedding too! And I do not want to dress in that." Mom: "It is the tradition. You HAVE to. Make your in-laws happy." You: "Oh, hell no!"
- M-i-l: "I could have found someone better for my son." You: "Oh, hell no!"
- Aunt (of yours): "You should do everything because you are the girl." You: "Oh, hell no!"
- Uncle (of your spouse, 4 days after your wedding): "The next time you visit, it must be with a baby BOY. That is my blessing." You: "Oh, HELL NO!"
- Society talks. Relative: "You shouldn't let your husband help with the laundry. People talk." You: "Oh, HELL NO!"
Hell no... Does staying quiet show signs of being a push over? Or in marriage, does that make you smart? I have been told there are better ways to handle these things. Not by creating a ruckus, nor by pretending it never happened. Instead, by using diplomacy for the common good.
For example... Aunt: "You should do everything because you are the girl." You: "I know I will have to put in a lot of effort. But I definitely cannot succeed without my husband's help."
Wow! The diplomacy of the entire statement. Not only are you AGREEING with your aunt, you make it seem like your husband's help is pivotal in marriage (which it is). Marriage is, unfortunately, a game. A game where survival is of the fittest. You have to be strong mentally and emotionally. To be worn down can be a task so easy and achievable that you will not see it hit you. But to walk the path of marriage, no matter how arduous, and to make it work, requires the ability to be tolerant and treasure words like they are your best friend.
"Words are like a dagger. Use them well." Master the game, and you are sure to find marital gratification.
19.12.09
My love...
If one were to describe the reason for my love
Oh, how in vain would the attempt be,
Endless, vast, infinite
Like a starlit sky and the ocean’s breeze.
If one were to describe the reason for my love
Oh, the bereft voice would lead to clear demise,
Nonexistent, inarticulate, muffled
Like the garden of Eden and the elixir of life.
If one were to describe the reason for my love
Oh, how these emotions would obscure judgment,
Murky, blindfolded, nebulous
Like the depths of the Earth and the deafening night.
If one were to describe the reason for my love
Oh, hear the resonance of worship in my voice,
Poignant, vibrant, exuberant
Like the echo of the temple bells
Like the treble of the piano
Like the awakening of the azaan
Like the unison of the mantra.
Ever so unconditional,
Ever so empowered,
Never fearing, never faltering,
My love enraptures me, body and soul.
8.12.09
Compromise... do we have to?
Compromise. Can any relationship be devoid of compromise? Rather... any healthy relationship? Absolutely not. It is sort of like Dr. Phil's take on "what you give better, you get better." Many people tend to shy away from marriage because of how much compromise it involves. But Javed Akhtar, the famous Indian lyricist, has said that compromise is not a bad thing if both people make the "happy" compromise. Step one is to accept that compromise is not an option, it is a necessity. When we can have differences with our parents, the people who have raised us, it is but natural that we have differences with our spouse. Different family backgrounds, upbringing, education, personality... They add so much spice to the mix that something is needed to neutralize it. If your wife complains too much about you leaving your socks everywhere and it absolutely drives you up the wall... or if your husband leaves his socks everywhere and it absolutely drives you up the wall... Same problem becoming an annoyance to both. Either the wife stops complaining or the husband stops littering with socks. Compromise.
The willingness to compromise isn't a trait you develop over night. It is something that becomes are part of your every day approach to life over time. You start to see that compromise will only make your life easier. This is not to say that you should compromise on your ideals or goals. On the contrary! The compromise here would be for the two individuals involved to agree to disagree and move on with their lives. Agree to disagree! Over a course of 40 or 50 years, imagine how much easier your life will be if you just agree to disagree. Compromise!
Barack Obama has said, "A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody can recognize it. They say, 'Huh. It works. It makes sense.'" You know when your compromise is worthwhile. And a worthwhile compromise, especially in marriage, never fails you. Whether it is appreciated by those around your or not, you are doing yourself a favour my comprising. It is sort of like water proofing your home. You know it may rain, it may pour even, but just so long as you have this safety net that assures your safety, you know you'll be just fine. That is exactly the security that being able to compromise 'happily' provides you...
It works, it makes sense!
The willingness to compromise isn't a trait you develop over night. It is something that becomes are part of your every day approach to life over time. You start to see that compromise will only make your life easier. This is not to say that you should compromise on your ideals or goals. On the contrary! The compromise here would be for the two individuals involved to agree to disagree and move on with their lives. Agree to disagree! Over a course of 40 or 50 years, imagine how much easier your life will be if you just agree to disagree. Compromise!
Barack Obama has said, "A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody can recognize it. They say, 'Huh. It works. It makes sense.'" You know when your compromise is worthwhile. And a worthwhile compromise, especially in marriage, never fails you. Whether it is appreciated by those around your or not, you are doing yourself a favour my comprising. It is sort of like water proofing your home. You know it may rain, it may pour even, but just so long as you have this safety net that assures your safety, you know you'll be just fine. That is exactly the security that being able to compromise 'happily' provides you...
It works, it makes sense!
4.12.09
Dr. Phil Part II
"You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation."
Give better to get better? What? I must say that Dr. Phil is WAY off on this one. Call me pessimistic, but some people just aren't nice. They don't care how much you give, they just want more! And reciprocation? That word does not even exist in their vocabulary! For example, in-law's. When is it ever enough for them? You are never good enough for their son, your mistakes are never forgiven, you never make enough of an effort... never never never! If there was ever a conditional relationship, it would be defined by as the one between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. A daughter-in-law can give and keep giving, but will she ever win her mother-in-law's complete and undying approval? Highly unlikely. You can keep giving better, You can give BEST, but it will always fall short. Reciprocation will only be a result of some miracle or fleeting moment of affection. But, to Dr Phil's credit, I think the point he is trying to make here is that regardless of what we get, we should give. And if we give better (with no expectations, preferably), we just might be surprised! Let us hope Dr. Phil is right on this. It isn't any fun to keep giving and not getting anything in return, is it?
Win/lose situation. Now this can be somewhat probable. I have been reading a great deal about the power of willing lately. I stumbled up on this first when I was skimming through "The Secret". And now again in Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol". The best way to approach is your marriage is with the intention that you will make it work. If you look at your marriage as being doomed, then it is! No matter how much of a pessimist or even a realist you are, looking at marriage with an optimistic outlook is the key to its success. When you got married, when you took your vows, you did so with the intention of making it work for life! So why then over the course of the years do we lose sight of this promise we make to ourselves and to our spouse? Very good point!
No marriage is perfect. Far from it! But butting marriage against a do or die type of situation would only lead to further demise, wouldn't you say? Forget the win/lose and lose/lose situation. Forget even the win/win situation. It isn't about how well the marriage works, the point is that it works! When you look at it through this perspective, the beauty lies in the simplicity of just wanting to make your marriage work. Period. And that will teach you to give better without any expectation of getting better. See! It is a vicious circle and it does work. Or at least that's what I've convinced myself. But the real question here is, have I convinced you?
If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation."
Give better to get better? What? I must say that Dr. Phil is WAY off on this one. Call me pessimistic, but some people just aren't nice. They don't care how much you give, they just want more! And reciprocation? That word does not even exist in their vocabulary! For example, in-law's. When is it ever enough for them? You are never good enough for their son, your mistakes are never forgiven, you never make enough of an effort... never never never! If there was ever a conditional relationship, it would be defined by as the one between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. A daughter-in-law can give and keep giving, but will she ever win her mother-in-law's complete and undying approval? Highly unlikely. You can keep giving better, You can give BEST, but it will always fall short. Reciprocation will only be a result of some miracle or fleeting moment of affection. But, to Dr Phil's credit, I think the point he is trying to make here is that regardless of what we get, we should give. And if we give better (with no expectations, preferably), we just might be surprised! Let us hope Dr. Phil is right on this. It isn't any fun to keep giving and not getting anything in return, is it?
Win/lose situation. Now this can be somewhat probable. I have been reading a great deal about the power of willing lately. I stumbled up on this first when I was skimming through "The Secret". And now again in Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol". The best way to approach is your marriage is with the intention that you will make it work. If you look at your marriage as being doomed, then it is! No matter how much of a pessimist or even a realist you are, looking at marriage with an optimistic outlook is the key to its success. When you got married, when you took your vows, you did so with the intention of making it work for life! So why then over the course of the years do we lose sight of this promise we make to ourselves and to our spouse? Very good point!
No marriage is perfect. Far from it! But butting marriage against a do or die type of situation would only lead to further demise, wouldn't you say? Forget the win/lose and lose/lose situation. Forget even the win/win situation. It isn't about how well the marriage works, the point is that it works! When you look at it through this perspective, the beauty lies in the simplicity of just wanting to make your marriage work. Period. And that will teach you to give better without any expectation of getting better. See! It is a vicious circle and it does work. Or at least that's what I've convinced myself. But the real question here is, have I convinced you?
28.11.09
Freedom
Endless blue skies on the horizon
Meadows frolicking with chrysanthemums
Crackling twigs of dried eucalyptus
Warmth of the heated ground underneath
Dew drops tickling the jaded grass
Bicycle imprinted, sienna smeared sidewalks
Blue and white and red stripped blanket
Panacotta and truffles to titivate your basket
Sweating bottles of Gewürz to celebrate
Sunlit strands of shimmering bronze locks
Hands that intertwine with exhilaration
Eyes gallantly shut to rhythmic tunes
Breathing that's laboured from liberation
The music raising your soul
Praise be to freedom, the one you love most.
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