Dr. Phil Part II

"You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation."

Give better to get better? What? I must say that Dr. Phil is WAY off on this one. Call me pessimistic, but some people just aren't nice. They don't care how much you give, they just want more! And reciprocation? That word does not even exist in their vocabulary! For example, in-law's. When is it ever enough for them? You are never good enough for their son, your mistakes are never forgiven, you never make enough of an effort... never never never! If there was ever a conditional relationship, it would be defined by as the one between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. A daughter-in-law can give and keep giving, but will she ever win her mother-in-law's complete and undying approval? Highly unlikely. You can keep giving better, You can give BEST, but it will always fall short. Reciprocation will only be a result of some miracle or fleeting moment of affection. But, to Dr Phil's credit, I think the point he is trying to make here is that regardless of what we get, we should give. And if we give better (with no expectations, preferably), we just might be surprised! Let us hope Dr. Phil is right on this. It isn't any fun to keep giving and not getting anything in return, is it?

Win/lose situation. Now this can be somewhat probable. I have been reading a great deal about the power of willing lately. I stumbled up on this first when I was skimming through "The Secret". And now again in Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol". The best way to approach is your marriage is with the intention that you will make it work. If you look at your marriage as being doomed, then it is! No matter how much of a pessimist or even a realist you are, looking at marriage with an optimistic outlook is the key to its success. When you got married, when you took your vows, you did so with the intention of making it work for life! So why then over the course of the years do we lose sight of this promise we make to ourselves and to our spouse? Very good point!
No marriage is perfect. Far from it! But butting marriage against a do or die type of situation would only lead to further demise, wouldn't you say? Forget the win/lose and lose/lose situation. Forget even the win/win situation. It isn't about how well the marriage works, the point is that it works! When you look at it through this perspective, the beauty lies in the simplicity of just wanting to make your marriage work. Period. And that will teach you to give better without any expectation of getting better. See! It is a vicious circle and it does work. Or at least that's what I've convinced myself. But the real question here is, have I convinced you?