Popular notion and idea of karma is similar to the age old adage of 'you sow what you reap.' Your deeds in this life dictate your future lives. But my latest introspection leads me to believe that karma is about the present. It is about the now -- this life. Not a past life, not a future life either.
Growing up, the questions of life and death often plagued me. If I had been the kind of person who believed in the concepts of heaven and hell, the afterlife, or the next life, my life would have been a breeze. But I believed that there could be a possibility of nothing. Our life, this life, is the one that we have. And it is the only one that we have. Once we die, we are nothing. There is no more mind, no more heart, and no more soul. Or there might be a soul that gets merged with the one big soul (or universal energy, if you shall).
The belief of heaven and hell and the next life was a method to force righteous behaviour in people. Kill another human being, go to hell. Save a life, go to heaven. Speak the truth, +1 points on your karma board. But really, is life that simple?
I look back on my life and see so many phases. Each new phase marks the rebirth of my soul. It is transient... always changing, evolving. My karma dictates what my tomorrow will be in my current life. I have been reaping what I have sowed.
As a child, I would look to fulfill the dark abyss chasing me like a nagging shadow. I would search for love in unwanted and scary places. I would ache and hurt, but bounce back with the faith that I would find this love I was searching for. To be honest here, I broke many a heart while I was on this quest. I even broke my husband's heart in the bargain. Fortunately for me, I had sense enough to bounce back and unbreak his heart too!
So can you imagine what kind of karma I was accumulating breaking all these hearts? It was pretty damn bad! Talk about bitter pay backs! I had my toughest relationship in college, my worst heart break in the years following college, and an uneven and uneasy ride with my now husband. What karma! All different phases of life, all teaching me new things, all of them making me understand that you can't fuck with life!
To my advantage, I tend to be a black and white sort of person. I can count the number of times I've lied on my two hands (the lies that count!) Not to say that I am proud of these lies by any means... but the number of times I've told the truth, or lent a helping hand, or even been a pillar of strength have worked in my favour. I have a great husband, a family that cares very much for me, and a dog that I couldn't imagine life without. (I'll have to go remove nazar now by burning some dried red chillies! Nazar: evil eye). Good karma!
In the circle of life, you do reap what you sow. But in THIS life. Introspect on your life, and you'll see what I mean.
2.4.10
9.1.10
Rewind, Rewind!
Taking a trip down memory lane can evoke so many emotions. Passion, fear, sadness, disappointment, joy, confidence... the nostalgia reminiscent of moments past.
What makes fleeting seconds stick in our minds long after they pass? The scent that is so distinctly clear, the music playing in the background, the cold against your skin... you remember it all. But why? What makes this memory special?
I could write anthologies on all the memories that never fail to cross my mind, every single day. The memories of my husband before we were nothing more than friends. I would say those are the sweetest memories I have of us. Sweeter than our wedding or even our life after.
Many years ago, when I was around 16 years old, I was visiting my cousin over summer break. I woke up one night to find her holding her knees to her chest and crying... She said to me, "Never fall in love with your best friend." I did not understand the magnitude of what she was saying then. Why would I NOT want to fall in love with my best friend? It was the most logical thing to do... And that is exactly what I did. I fell in love with my best friend. But with that love and the expectations that follow in any relationship, our relationship changed. It stopped being simple. Expectations complicate things. Expectations every one around you has for you; leave alone the expectations you have of each other. And the disappointment (fear?) of those expectations not being fulfilled. When we were getting married, a friend told us that the first thing to remember in marriage is to have no expectations. The more expectations you have, the more likely it is that you feel let down. So true! But is this what complicates relationships? When we were just friends, we had fights, but they were so simple. Easy to resolve, easy to let go of. Why does this change after marriage? I'd like to understand.
For this precise reason, it is important that the relationship evolving into marriage is strong to withstand all the nonsense that societal and individual guidelines constrain us to. 'Coz with marriage come familiarity, comfort, support. And also come expectations, rules, regulations, nuances of daily life... The magic and sparks seldom coexist with marriage. A reality that is hard to escape and harder to accept.
An alternative thought would be that THIS comfort is what is most sought after... ask those in unreliable, noncommittal relationships. Who knows if you will be together tomorrow? Who knows if you will have someone to go home to after a long day? Those are the small yet pleasurable things about marriage. It is sort of like a trade off really... You trade the magic and curiosity for the comfort and familiarity. The X factor disappears. I don't think they can coexist.
Would you disagree? Do tell me...
What makes fleeting seconds stick in our minds long after they pass? The scent that is so distinctly clear, the music playing in the background, the cold against your skin... you remember it all. But why? What makes this memory special?
I could write anthologies on all the memories that never fail to cross my mind, every single day. The memories of my husband before we were nothing more than friends. I would say those are the sweetest memories I have of us. Sweeter than our wedding or even our life after.
Many years ago, when I was around 16 years old, I was visiting my cousin over summer break. I woke up one night to find her holding her knees to her chest and crying... She said to me, "Never fall in love with your best friend." I did not understand the magnitude of what she was saying then. Why would I NOT want to fall in love with my best friend? It was the most logical thing to do... And that is exactly what I did. I fell in love with my best friend. But with that love and the expectations that follow in any relationship, our relationship changed. It stopped being simple. Expectations complicate things. Expectations every one around you has for you; leave alone the expectations you have of each other. And the disappointment (fear?) of those expectations not being fulfilled. When we were getting married, a friend told us that the first thing to remember in marriage is to have no expectations. The more expectations you have, the more likely it is that you feel let down. So true! But is this what complicates relationships? When we were just friends, we had fights, but they were so simple. Easy to resolve, easy to let go of. Why does this change after marriage? I'd like to understand.
For this precise reason, it is important that the relationship evolving into marriage is strong to withstand all the nonsense that societal and individual guidelines constrain us to. 'Coz with marriage come familiarity, comfort, support. And also come expectations, rules, regulations, nuances of daily life... The magic and sparks seldom coexist with marriage. A reality that is hard to escape and harder to accept.
An alternative thought would be that THIS comfort is what is most sought after... ask those in unreliable, noncommittal relationships. Who knows if you will be together tomorrow? Who knows if you will have someone to go home to after a long day? Those are the small yet pleasurable things about marriage. It is sort of like a trade off really... You trade the magic and curiosity for the comfort and familiarity. The X factor disappears. I don't think they can coexist.
Would you disagree? Do tell me...
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