2.4.10

Life, love, and karma

Popular notion and idea of karma is similar to the age old adage of 'you sow what you reap.' Your deeds in this life dictate your future lives. But my latest introspection leads me to believe that karma is about the present. It is about the now -- this life. Not a past life, not a future life either.
Growing up, the questions of life and death often plagued me. If I had been the kind of person who believed in the concepts of heaven and hell, the afterlife, or the next life, my life would have been a breeze. But I believed that there could be a possibility of nothing. Our life, this life, is the one that we have. And it is the only one that we have. Once we die, we are nothing. There is no more mind, no more heart, and no more soul. Or there might be a soul that gets merged with the one big soul (or universal energy, if you shall).
The belief of heaven and hell and the next life was a method to force righteous behaviour in people. Kill another human being, go to hell. Save a life, go to heaven. Speak the truth, +1 points on your karma board. But really, is life that simple?
I look back on my life and see so many phases. Each new phase marks the rebirth of my soul. It is transient... always changing, evolving. My karma dictates what my tomorrow will be in my current life. I have been reaping what I have sowed.
As a child, I would look to fulfill the dark abyss chasing me like a nagging shadow. I would search for love in unwanted and scary places. I would ache and hurt, but bounce back with the faith that I would find this love I was searching for. To be honest here, I broke many a heart while I was on this quest. I even broke my husband's heart in the bargain. Fortunately for me, I had sense enough to bounce back and unbreak his heart too!
So can you imagine what kind of karma I was accumulating breaking all these hearts? It was pretty damn bad! Talk about bitter pay backs! I had my toughest relationship in college, my worst heart break in the years following college, and an uneven and uneasy ride with my now husband. What karma! All different phases of life, all teaching me new things, all of them making me understand that you can't fuck with life!
To my advantage, I tend to be a black and white sort of person. I can count the number of times I've lied on my two hands (the lies that count!) Not to say that I am proud of these lies by any means... but the number of times I've told the truth, or lent a helping hand, or even been a pillar of strength have worked in my favour. I have a great husband, a family that cares very much for me, and a dog that I couldn't imagine life without. (I'll have to go remove nazar now by burning some dried red chillies! Nazar: evil eye). Good karma!
In the circle of life, you do reap what you sow. But in THIS life. Introspect on your life, and you'll see what I mean.

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