Good advice?

Dr. Phil's show is legendary on day time television in the US. His advice on relationships, marriage, and other life issues seems to make a ton of difference to some people. So, I figured that you and I should also get a little peek into what makes this man's advice worth listening to. Being left behind in the dust isn't going to help us any, now is it? :)

A Good Marriage

"After being happily married for 32 years, Dr. Phil shares some of his thoughts about what makes a marriage work.

• The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
  
  
• You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
  
  
• If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
  
  
• Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?
  
  
• There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
  
  
• Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
  
  
• You don't fix things by fixing your partner.
  
  
• Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
  
  
• You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
  
  
• Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
  
  
• You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules."

I have read and re-read all of the points that Dr. Phil makes. And I have decided to spend the next few days dissecting each one. If I should find that it could make a difference to my marriage, I intend to incorporate it into my actions. It never hurts to try, does it?

To start with:
1) "The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved."

I can see this being relevant to my marriage. After all, my husband and I fell in love and decided that this was "it" for us. We were the best of friends who could confide in each other about nearly anything. So naturally, marriage seemed like the next best step forward for our relationship. But how about those who have an arranged marriage? There is no time for the couple to build a friendship, forget a solid one. I have known of cases where the bride and groom do not see each other until they are on the altar on the brinks of saying good-bye to single life. Are these marriages doomed? Unlikely... Such couples probably have it harder at the start of the marriage, but like all marriages, with time, a bond forms between the two individuals. If we take into consideration the second point where it is clearly stated that marriage needs to meet the needs of both people in the marriage, we see that whether it is a love marriage or arranged becomes a moot point. People fall in love, they get married, they change after marriage, they bicker, they realize that they are not getting what they wanted out marriage, and they separate. In the case of an arranged marriage, you learn to marry with no expectations. You do not know the person you are marrying, what your life will be like with them, or how much you will have to change to live with this new person. Regardless, after a few months or years into the arranged marriage, you realize that you are not getting what you need from your spouse, that it is a waste of energy, and you separate. Doesn't really matter if the marriage was of love or arranged, does it? It simply matters whether each partners' needs are being fulfilled or not. So yes, a strong friendship is the foundation for the success of any happy marriage. To be able to confide, trust, and put faith in your spouse is best support system any one could ask for. And if in the process, your needs are being met AND you are also able to fulfill your spouse's needs, you are one step closer to attaining a content marriage.
Until next time, think about what Dr. Phil has said and if it could apply to you. To any relationship in your life. Be it with your mother or father, your brother or sister, a girl friend or a boy friend, or even just a friend. At the core of every relationship, a solid friendship and mutual fulfillment of needs seems to be the key. Wouldn't you agree? Think about it!

Information from: A good marriage